


character evidence

by corviiid (unsungillumination)



Category: Free!
Genre: Ace Attorney AU, Crack, Gen, M/M, commission, im not gonna pretend different
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-23
Updated: 2019-06-17
Packaged: 2020-03-10 01:59:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,141
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18929017
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unsungillumination/pseuds/corviiid
Summary: The judge cleared his throat. “So,” he said. “Thank you, Mr. Matsuoka. Defence, would you remind me of your plea?”"Free,” said Nanase.“That's,” said the judge, “not a plea.”Nanase said nothing. He'd picked up the glass of water on his bench and was staring into it with some fascination.(free! ace attorney au. commission for@AsikIkisaon twitter (Pomelofangirl!)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Pomelofangirl](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pomelofangirl/gifts).



> request: "rinharu but lawyers". the rinharu bit got kind of lost in my excitement but you can just assume rinharu is implicit in everything i do, forever "what about homework" yes that also. it is 2019
> 
> also lost was the fact that this was a 300 word drabble commission however i got really excited so now you have this, the greatest thing i have ever and will ever write, my eternal legacy and the only thing that matters

_The law is alive._

_Once you dive in, it will immediately bare its fangs and attack._

_But there's nothing to fear._

_Don't resist the law. Thrust your contradictions into the testimony and carve an opening. Then you—_

“That's not an opening statement,” Matsuoka snapped. Nanase, apparently snapped out of his reverie, just blinked placidly back at him.

“Never mind opening statements, then,” the judge said hastily. “Unless the prosecution has something to add?”

“I'm going to win,” said Matsuoka, “and then I'll never stand across from you again.”

Nanase's eyes widened.

The judge cleared his throat. “So,” he said. “Thank you, Mr. Matsuoka. Defence, would you remind me of your plea?”

“Free,” said Nanase.

“That's,” said the judge, “not a plea.”

Nanase said nothing. He'd picked up the glass of water on his bench and was staring into it with some fascination.

“Are these two even qualified lawyers?” Rei whispered to Nagisa from the gallery, but Nagisa just shrugged helplessly.

“Mr. Matsuoka, please call your first witness to the stand,” said the judge.

Matsuoka nodded. “I call the detective on the case, Yamazaki.”

Yamazaki approached the stand. “The cause of death was blunt force trauma by an extremely heavy object. The crime occurred in the movie theatre at 8:47AM on Monday,” he said. “The defendant was at the movies at the time—”

“Objection,” said Nanase, quite suddenly. Yamazaki stopped at once and looked at him in surprise.

“What is it?” he asked.

“Makoto couldn't have been at the movies that day,” said Nanase. “He was buying mackerel for me.”

“What kind of objection is that?” Matsuoka asked, annoyed. “You can't just say anything you like.”

Nanase produced a can of mackerel. “I have evidence,” he said. “The packing date is the day of the crime, so Makoto couldn't have bought it before then. Take that.”

“You could have bought that yourself after the fact!” Matsuoka exploded.

“But it's dated the day of the crime,” said Nanase.

“So?!”

“I wouldn't buy days-old mackerel.”

“You could have bought it that day!”

“Then,” said Nanase, “I would have eaten it. Take this—” and he didn't move.

“Take _what_?!”

“This,” said Nanase, and gently placed a photograph of himself on the bench.

“Your _face_?”

“Character evidence,” said Nanase. “I like mackerel.”

Silence. Matsuoka looked like he was three seconds from ripping the can from Nanase's hands and crushing it.

“Why don't we just dust it for prints,” Yamazaki suggested wearily. “If Tachibana bought it, he would have touched it.”

“Oh!” exclaimed the judge. “Good idea, detective Yamazaki. Do we have a forensic scientist present?”

“This court is a farce,” Yamazaki muttered.

Rei shot up in his seat. “Present!”

“Cover this fish with dust,” the judge ordered.

“Yes sir!”

 

* * *

 

The fish was dusted.

“Please let me have that back,” said Nanase, looking distressed.

“Proof positive that Tachibana Makoto handled this can, Your Honour!” Rei announced, obligingly handing the can back to Nanase, who promptly cracked it open and started eating it.

“You can't eat the evidence!” Matsuoka shouted, but Nanase just swallowed and mumbled, “Bring your own.”

“That's not the issue!”

“Regardless,” said the judge, “it seems we have confirmed that Tachibana was buying mackerel on the day of the crime.”

The gallery murmured.

“This doesn't change anything, Your Honour,” said Matsuoka. “How long could it possibly take to buy mackerel? The crime occurred at 8:47 in the morning, and the defendant was not apprehended until the evening. He could have bought the mackerel at any time—”

“Objection,” said Nanase.

“Well, what is it?!”

“Fresh shipments of mackerel come in at 9:00am,” said Nanase. “Makoto couldn't commit the crime because he was waiting to buy the best mackerel.”

“It's _canned_!” Matsuoka exploded.

“Fresh canned mackerel,” said Nanase.

“Who waits in line for canned mackerel?!”

“Makoto,” said Nanase.

 “Well,” said the judge hurriedly. “If we can't confirm that the defendant was at the scene of the crime, then surely we can't proceed—”

 “HOLD IT!”

 “Gou?” Matsuoka spluttered, staring at the girl who'd just slammed the courtroom doors open. “Jeez, what now?”

 “I have new evidence!” Gou announced.

The gallery murmured again.

 “I had Ryugazaki-san do one more scientific analysis for me,” said Gou importantly. “Without a doubt, Tachibana-san did not commit this crime!”

 “You're bringing evidence _against_ my case?” Matsuoka demanded, at the same time Nanase said, “Because of the mackerel.”

 “It's not mackerel!” Gou insisted. “The victim was viciously bludgeoned to death by a heavy object, and Tachibana-san doesn't have the muscles to lift it!”

Makoto, in the defendant's seat, looked a bit put-out.

 “But if not the defendant, then who?” asked the judge, who was leaning forward in his seat in anticipation.

Gou raised a sheet of paper. “I had Ryugazaki-san do the science,” she said. “His results confirmed my hypothesis. There is only one person with the kind of muscles you need to lift something so heavy!”

 “Muscle science,” Yamazaki muttered. “Right.”

 “Muscle science!” the judge said enthusiastically. “Of course!”

 “That means,” said Gou. “The murderer was…”

 “Well?!” Matsuoka demanded. “Who was it?

Gou pointed a finger dramatically into the gallery, where one figure was already starting to sweat.

 “Iwatobi-chan!” she roared. “It was _you_!”

 

_TO BE CONTINUED…_

 

* * *

 

 

 “That's _it_?!” Nagisa wailed. “What happened next? I want to know why Iwatobi-chan did it! Was it revenge? Love? _Lust_?”

 “The court is in recess,” Haru said, putting down his notebook.

 “Are you going to continue soon, Haruka-senpai?” asked Rei.

 “Probably not,” said Haru.

 “ _What?!_ ”

 “You can't just leave it there!” Rin complained. “I was about to convict Makoto and defeat you once and for all!”

 “Eh? But I didn't do it!” Makoto protested. “I was buying mackerel, remember?!”

 “Sounds fishy to me,” Rin sniffed.

 “Good one, Rin-chan!”

 “I’m bored of it,” said Haru. “Besides, I don't think anyone wants to read a whole story about us being lawyers. I'd rather swim.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> iwatobi-chan's tale continues, i guess

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i can't believe this [@maskofbarona](https://twitter.com/maskofbarona) on twitter commissioned me to continue and find out what happened to iwatobi-chan and i absolutely didn't help but yeah here's a continuation. i took some creative liberties. mixed media you know. i'm an artist

    “Rin-chan!” Nagisa whined. “Give it back!”

  “You just declared my client guilty without a trial! And why am I a shark?!”

  Nagisa was still trying to wrench the sketchbook back. “I’m trying to make a continuation of Haru-chan’s story,” he insisted. “He never told us if Iwatobi-chan was guilty or not!”

  “That doesn’t explain why I’m a shark!” Rin snapped.

  “Because it’s too hard to draw you, Rin-chan,” Nagisa said earnestly.

  “It doesn’t look like you were overly concerned with quality,” Rei said fairly.

  “That’s _mean_ , Rei-chan!”

  “Why do I have a bra?” Rin demanded.

  “Those are your goggles,” Nagisa explained, like this should be obvious.

  Makoto hastily tugged the sketchbook out of Rin’s hands before he could throw it into the ocean. “I think we’ve had enough legal dramas for one day,” he said, tucking the book out of view before Haru could get out of the pool and see it for himself. They’d never hear the end of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as much as i like getting paid please nobody pay me to continue this again i do not have it in me to draw any more sharks

**Author's Note:**

> twitter: [@corviiid](https://twitter.com/corviiid) im a p5 acc with a bouquet of lawyers and light undertones of caring about swimming anime in 2019. enable me


End file.
